Creativity and the terror of completion

Sometimes I feel like a fraud.

I feel like any good work I’ve ever done is just a fluke. That most of what I do is terrible and that people are going to realize it, if they haven’t already.

Do you ever feel the way?

We’re not frauds though.

We’re creative people and sometimes that means you get into a dry spell, or a spell of self doubt. When you work by yourself, it’s doubly difficult to pull yourself out sometimes.

Today I turned in the final proof on a pair of short videos I’ve been contracted to do for a local business. I’m thrilled about how they turned out and I can’t wait to hear what audiences think of them. I had such a great time working on this project, that I hope these customers give me a call in the near future to work on more fun stuff. As well as commercial work, I’ve been cooking steadily on episodes of Victorian Cut-out Theatre. If I keep up my current rate of work, I’ll have no trouble meeting the May deadline I’ve set for season 3. Things are coming easier now with work flow and it’s a relief. I feel like it’s been stop and go for months, but I’m finally hitting my stride.

Some of the delay has of course had to do with life things: personal relationships, child rearing, housework, day jobs, and other real things. But there have also been emotional delays as well.

Self doubt has been a biggie. The kind where you nitpick your stuff so much that your paralyzed and don’t so anything at all. Except scripts don’t write, voice act, and animate themselves. If you don’t create, you’re not a creator are you. Which is why sometimes it’s best to just nibble off a little piece, then a little more. If it’s terrible, so be it. Then when it’s done, you find you want to do another one.

Also, we get better don’t we. It never feels that way, but we can glance back at earlier work and see progress. It’s kind of like getting older, just by doing what we do it happens.

I’m another year older now too.

Thanks to those who have helped me through the self doubt. I think I'm on the right track now.

Take care,

-Rob