My short-lived porn career

In my darker and more desperate moments I contemplate doing pornography. Not acting in it of course, but writing and directing. I already have a great adult film name picked out. Whitey Bulger. You know, after the famous Boston gangster*. Choosing that name might explain why my ideas have trouble catching on. I have yet to come up with a concept that I didn’t have to explain as majority of listeners stare at me dead-eyed. Anyway, I could never do it, because I don’t know how I would tell people about work without lying or staring at the floor and shuffling my feet. It’s also worth mentioning that every movie I’ve ever seen about the adult film industry is a tragic one. So there you have it. The adult film career of Whitey Bulger (Rob Walker) was over before it began. And the regular film career of Rob Walker (Whitey Bulger) hasn’t really caught on either. So there’s that. If things don’t change, maybe someday I can submit my ideas for an erotic retelling of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis, but I fear that pitch meeting might end with the same result; me having to explain myself, a task at which I have never excelled. Just ask my teachers.

Though I still feel like I’m playing catch up, this previous week has felt better than those before it. There is a comfort in accepting one’s current position and moving on.

I used to participate in chess club when I was a freshmen in high school, and one of the most valuable things I learned during that time (other than the frustrating and yet Zen-like power of celibacy) was the fact that there are some stretches during play when you are simply out of moves and you have to wait for the board to open up. For those who don’t understand this metaphor, perhaps this one will do: “You have to know when to hold ‘em, and know when to fold ‘em.” And so, for now at least, I’m “holding them” I suppose. I’m also mixing metaphors.

In other news, my wife has left the “feeling-nauseated-all-the-time” phase of her gestation for the “tired-and-lethargic-all-the-time” phase. This may be an improvement. However, I anticipate more phases which will likely be recounted here for the sadistic pleasure of my tiny audience. Seriously though, watching this process from a distance is like watching a Lovecraftian plot unfold, which means that the child is definitely ours. Only instead of never knowing what horrors are scratching at the doorway of our reality, we are already too aware of the being breaking through. It yearns for our very future and it also yearns for Star Wars gummy candy, or so the voices tell my wife.

The latest episode of Victorian Cut-out Theatre should be on its way soon if it’s not already up. I’m very proud of the script as I think it’s one of the funniest I’ve written. A friend told me recently that the best one’s are simply conversations, so I’ve been trying to take that to heart. This episode took me longer than I wanted amid all of the life and schedule changes I’ve been dealing with. I hope the lessons learned this season will result in smoother output for season 3. I’m looking forward to less minutia regarding the production side of the show, calming though it may be sometimes. You can also hear the most recent episode of the WTF Are Watching Podcast on which I am a guest, we talk about Batman: Mask of the Phantasm and laugh at each other’s jokes. I love those guys.

Also, there will be a bit of a delay on this week’s Walker’s Talkers. My schedule just got crunched, so the episode will be a out this week just not on Monday.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week.

Take care,


*It's also a double entendre.