I awoke this morning at 4:45 to what sounded like someone rewinding a video tape at full volume outside my window. I don’t know if it was squirrels, a pigeon protecting her young, or the swinging sounds of an amateur DJ. Regardless, I’m up and performing my morning ritual of trying to keep my cat off of my keyboard while I type this. My haggard appearance is of no bother to his satin-black face and gold-ringed eyes. He just wants to cuddle, and if he can keep me from my current task, more’s the better. As annoying as this constant ritual can be, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t come to depend on it. It centers me, and I need to be centered. I began this week in not entirely the best of moods. And if I’m to be completely honest, I haven’t been that wound up and exhausted since childhood. The rest that comes after having a good nervous breakdown is sublime. You sleep the sleep of the just.
I want to get paid to share cool things with people on a regular basis. This was my thought after delivering my presentation on "The Tempest" at my local library. Despite the tiny audience*, I had a wonderful time and it was especially gratifying to feel the interest and excitement of those in attendance. Before the presentation began, the librarian who set up the engagement, asked me about any other projects that I would like to do. When I told her my ideas**, she seemed to get genuinely excited. This experience was a welcome change from having to explain myself to people who just “don’t get it”. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was being understood by someone who wasn’t a friend or family. To have someone get excited over my thoughts is the central preoccupation of my existence. I make videos, write stories and articles to express myself to the world. I want to share interests and thoughts and ideas. I want to make cool things for people to enjoy. I want to be understood. And since childhood, I have sometimes found myself speaking a language others don’t. This is frustrating, but it is made all the sweeter when you find people who are switched on by the same things you are. A door opens.
I will be mulling over these ideas in the coming months and trying to figure out a way to make them happen. I like this mix of live presentation paired with my web work. When you make things for the internet, it can sometimes feel a little like you are placing messages in bottles and throwing them into the raging sea. I love the comments, and I am grateful to have some of the best and most intelligent audience members online, but I do enjoy seeing people in person. There’s a connection that the internet cannot replicate.
On a related note, I haven’t performed on stage in nearly a decade. Upon graduating in 2005 with two degrees in theatre, I was already embroiled in the world of underground/indie film. Therefore, after spending five years devoted to live performance, I gave myself completely to a filmgoing audience and then, the internet. Recently however, my sister has seen fit to drag me back onto the stage because, and this is going to sound sublimely arrogant, I was needed. By which I mean she needed people for her production, and in the world of community theatre, men are always absent. I had no designs on being in a play this year, but during last night’s rehearsal I was hit with how much I have missed not just performing, but performing live. The chance to play a character whom shows so much humor and tragedy in six minutes is an absolute joy, and I am delighted and grateful for this experience. Anyway, if you want to see me onstage, click HERE for details on the production. The show is going to be fantastic and you should definitely attend.
*Two people. It was less like a presentation and more like a cosy dinner with cool friends.
**I don’t want to spoil my “fantastic” ideas here just yet. Stay tuned.